Conflict issues after a divorce can be as frustrating as the issues that have caused the break-up. Many couples find themselves disagreeing about the implementation of their divorce settlement. They find they have to deal with situations that neither of them anticipated. The justice system is not geared to handle these grievances. It takes too long and it is costly. Many of the conflict areas are too petty for a court but important to the individuals concerned. This is where mediation can play a vital role.
After a divorce, couples and their children take on new roles. Children have to adapt to many changes. Most of these are traumatic. The manner in which these changes are handled can make a difference to the degree of trauma a child experiences. Intolerance and inflexibility in divorced couples creates a stressful environment for a child. It confirms their worst fears about divorce – the feelings of fear, abandonment and insecurity are reinforced. Arguments about money and maintenance are common. Tug-of-wars around access and visitation are the order of the day. The children are inevitably the victims.
Then there is the war of the exes. A whole new dimension of potential conflict arises when the couple starts dating or one of them gets married. There are stepchildren to consider, new stepparents and a whole new set of challenges present themselves.
Mediation has been under-utilised as a tool for conflict resolution. The mediator acts as a neutral go-between in helping parties to settle their disputes. The costs involved for a mediation session are minimal when compared to lengthy litigation. The parties split the costs in a way that suits them. This is not only for the divorcing couple - any dispute can be handled through mediation. For instance, if there is a dispute between the exes or step- parents and children or stepchildren between themselves – mediation can provide a valuable sounding board for the frustrations of all the parties concerned.
With the facility of online mediation, parties can even be in different parts of the world and settle a dispute effectively without incurring unnecessary legal costs.
Mediation is a powerful tool in negotiating and settling disputes. Although conflict may be inevitable, mediation can play a vital role in smoothing the troubled waters by assisting parties to resolve their differences in a peaceful manner.